Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
