i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
