idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
