she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
