We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
