I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
