Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I did not marry a roomba.
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