I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk is a universal language darling
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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