when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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