Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
