you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
