if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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