She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
even my farts smell like vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
