I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
