Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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