i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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