Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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