Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
