Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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