I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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