I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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