I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
