dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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