After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
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He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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