My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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