So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
