Can i not drive my cunt home
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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