No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
