i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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