I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
