he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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