I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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