I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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