she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
