Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
