i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
