I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
