Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
cat food counts as protein by the way
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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