New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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