You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
