i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
