Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
