So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
