He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Help. Why am I so naked?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
