hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
