yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
