Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
