This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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