So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
