Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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