I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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