Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
