Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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