Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
