I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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