I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
