So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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