wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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