I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
