he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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