she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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