When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
