***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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