woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
